Baltika 4 Dark Lager

I purchased all of these Baltika products at the same time and it is taking me months to finally be close to the end. Baltika Dark Lager tastes like malted stagnant water. Vile, foamy, dirty beer. This stuff might as well have tadpoles in it for effect. The second I cracked this bottle I knew I was in for a rip roarin', stomach churnin' time from our friends from Mother Russia. It stinks, I mean literally stinks. The only flavor I can discern out of this mess is yeast. Yeast!

I'm going to end this tirade right now. Don't buy this beer, or foolishly spend $20 on assorted Baltika products like I did. Baltika 4 might be the worst $1.49 I have ever spent. When was the last time you felt ripped off spending less than $2?

Baltika Zhigulevskoe

'This beer is prepared according to a traditional recipe and it remains one of the most popular brand names in the country. Ingredients: water, light barley malt, rice and the best varieties of hops.'

This is pure garbage. I think this is what bums in Russia must be drinking this very instant. Dirty dishwater with a hint of seaweed come to mind before all flavor is washed away as the tide of malt comes rushing in. Yes its extremely cheap, but there are much better ways to spend very little money and get drunk. Personally given the choice between this beer and a Zima at a party, I am taking the Zima. Then I am going home and finding new friends.

Baltika Zhigulevskoe is an absolute drain pour. Stay the fuck away from this beer.

Warka Jasne Pelne

Warka tastes like it used water from the run off of a nearby factory, it tastes dirty. This is a really shitty beer from (surprise!) Poland. Its thin with a high alcohol content which is probably one of my least favorite combinations. Is that old cabbage I taste? Nasty. They put Kazimierz Pulaski on the cover to dupe proud Poles into buying this awful excuse for a beer, last time I checked that dude didn't brew beer. I have a buddy who told me he drank mainly import beers while in Eastern Europe and I am starting to see why.

Baltika 8 Wheat Ale

'Unfiltered Wheat Ale. Contains special yeast which gives it cloudiness and creates a rich taste. This beer is brewed for you!
The ingredients are water, wheat malt, pilsner malt and caramel malt and hops.'

I have never had a wheat ale brewed in Russia before, so I thought this would be interesting at least. Interesting indeed. This is probably the worst wheat beer I have ever had.... No this is definitely the worst wheat beer I have ever had. I have this awful habit of smelling beer before I take my first sip. With Baltika 8 I got a nosefull of straw and cabbage, one of the oddest scents I have witnessed in a long time. Sadly, it only tastes slightly better than it smells.

I know I go on rants when I really dislike a beer, but Baltika 8 is fucking horrid. There is something very off with this beer, like it was brewed with dirty dishwasher or had been left out in the sun for a few weeks. I am very disappointed, for a few reasons. Will I ever find a beer from Eastern Europe that is worth a damn besides Czechvar? I also bought three other pints of Baltika products... This ought to be a fun week!

Not recommended!