Minhas Rhinelander Original

'For many years, the Rhinelander Brewery in far northern Wisconsin brewed Rhinelander Beer. This traditional German lager was favored by the immigrant inhabitants of the area. In 1967, when the Rhinelander Brewery ceased production, Minhas Craft Brewery continued this fine brew to satisfy the substantial following this brand had built over the years. Rhinelander has a clean flavor and a pleasant malty aroma with a Rhine taste and brief finish.' Minhas website

I enjoyed Minha's Mountain Creek Lager, so I picked up this sixer in Louisville over the weekend after filling my basket with glorious bourbon. I cannot say I was impressed. This beer has a soapy head, is too lightly hopped and bland, but it does taste clean. Rhinelander is alright for a cheapy, but not something I would purchase again given other options, including Minhas other brews. That being said, Rhinelander's great logo and low price point ($3 for a six pack) just might make me go back on my word and give it another try one day.

Musical pairing- ELO's Greatest Hits

Olde Johnnie Ale by Cold Spring Brewing Co.

Syrupy malts, tastes like a cheap brown ale (not a knock, as I am not hating this beer), definitely mass produced. Yeasty head, despite a lack of carbonation and a nice amber color. For $3, this 'double pint' isn't a bad investment if you are looking for something to finish your night with, but I couldn't see drinking these all night. Lower standards, and prices, win out here.

This beer definitely lends itself to many frat boy nick names. So if you already have a nice micro-brew in hand and you are looking for a cheep night cap, then grab some 'Olde J', 'Johnnie O', or plain old 'OJ' at bargain bin prices. It's definitely better when you are already halfway there.

Lech Premium Lager

The Jewel Osco by my apartment used to have a decent beer selection, nothing ridiculous or hard to find, but I could go there when I was busy and needed a beer to plug into this blog. A half hearted renovation later and now the most obscure beer I can come up with is this garbage- Lech Premium lager, a Polish import by SAB Miller.

First off, the two bottles I have had of this were fairly skunky so it was hard to come up with any positive traits. The most powerful flavor in this swill was the 'dirty dishwasher' taste so prevalent in Eastern European lagers. What is up with that? Is there a demographic of people who enjoy that? I am starting to believe that region of the world either really hate America and use waste water in beers being exported or they are in fact flavor masochists. There was nothing about this beer that didn't scream 'cheap' from the bizarre sticky/fluffy head to the lingering aftertaste of watery cabbage.

I am fully expecting to have to moderate numerous comments from the East calling me a 'fag' and 'wanker' again just like when I trashed the Baltika line. That stuff was pretty funny and I will from now on approve your comments on my sexuality or intelligence. I like you guys, honestly. I think your part of the world has a very rich and storied history and are more than deserving of respect, I just cannot get into the beer!

Musical Pairing: Sonic Youth- Confusion is Sex (have fun listening to this lo fi mess)

Little Kings Cream Ale

Another gift from my father, thanks pops! I did a little digging into the history of Hudepohl Brewing Company and found out they were purchased by the Boston Beer Co in 1997 after almost a century of financial problems. That would make me 16 years old at the time, which was prime drinking time for me. I know I indulged in a few of these bad boys before I was of legal drinking age!

Little Kings aren't too bad if you are looking for a smooth drinker to get you through a hot summer day. This beer is pretty crisp with a lot of malt in the aftertaste (they sell it in 40 ounce variety as well if that gives you an idea of the malt factor) but it still doesn't come off as a super cheap beer. The weird thing about this beer is I didn't find it very 'creamy' but to tell you the truth I don't think I would have liked it if I did.

I would be fine with having a few of these cute little bottles on hand when I am not being a beer snob and would just like a simple beer. Little Kings is definitely a step up from an Old Style or PBR without the dramatic price increase that comes with most craft beers. Middle ground is not a bad place to be.

Musical pairing: Kiss- Destroyer

Point Cascade Pale Ale

'Point Cascade Pale Ale is handcrafted combining special top-fermenting yeast and a dry hopping process to create this truly classic American Pale Ale. The intriguing character is derived from generous quantities of the choicest Yakima Valley Cascade hops and the finest crystal, 2 row pale, and Munich malts. The result is a delicious American Pale Ale with a signature fragrant hop bouquet and soft malt palate. ' From Pointbeer.com

At the price point of $5.99 I can honestly say I wasn't expecting much, which is good because I didn't get much in return. Point Cascade Pale Ale is the most bare bones pale ale to ever touch my taste buds. Fizzy body, ever so slightly hoppy with a good chunk of malt at the finish line. Point took no chances with Cascade Pale Ale and it really shows. What you get with this beer is a standard pale ale with no bells and whistles, perfect for its middle of the road price point.

Maybe I am being a bit too hard on this beer. I put away three of them with ease and was fairly satisfied. Maybe mediocre just isn't enough for me anymore. I could see throwing a few of these in a cooler full of lager to add a little flavor to the rotation. If you aren't into hoppy beers I might recommend this beer as a gateway into the hop kingdom. Not much gets done in the hop kingdom and we are all fairly overweight, but its a nice place to visit!

Musical pairing: Bad Company- Straight Shooter (although enjoyable, its color by numbers rock n roll)

Hamm's Lager

For some bizarre reason Hamm's is not showcased on the Pabst website whatsoever. That, combined with fairly limited distribution, is not a good indication of their faith in this beer. I hope that they do not discontinue Hamm's as it is easily one of my favorite cheapies. Because of their lack of website support, I had to steal this from Ratebeer.com:

'Another classic beer produced by Pabst Brewing Company. From the land of sky blue waters, Hamms is truly the beer refreshing. Hamms has a legacy of quality and tastyness that is unrivaled by any beer known to man. Back in the olden days, Hamms was traded by the Spanish for spices and fine silks from the orient, which were then transported across the seas and traded for more Hamms'

Hamm's has a fairly poor reputation with most beer drinkers, a reputation I think is somewhat undeserved. Yes it is a cheap mass produced lager that doesn't have as much flavor going for it that a micro brew would but we knew that coming in. The thing about Hamm's is that it somehow retained a small sparkle of its character when the recipe was 'tweaked' all those years ago. I think Hamm's blows away its competition in the budget section of your local grocer. When a beer is $3.99 a sixer 'decent to good' is fairly strong praise since most everything else at that price gets 'bad to god awful'.

When I am not in a very discerning mood I fill my fridge up with this watery, slightly hoppy, overly malty mess of a beer. Then I proceed to chug them down before they get to room temperature (warm Hamm's is not a good scene). That's a good day in the life of Matt. I don't know whats up with this being traded for spices or slaves or whatever they said in their advert, I call bullshit on anything like that ever happening.

The dancing bear commercials need to come back plz.

APPARENTLY HAMM'S IS NOT A PABST PRODUCT AND I AM JUST A MORON -Matt (7/19/08)

Musical pairing: Lynyrd Skynyrd- Second Helping (Because it's trashy yet excellent)

Special Export

'You don’t have to “hop the pond” or buy an expensive import to experience real European beer flavor. Special Export and Special Export Light have been brewed in LaCrosse, Wisconsin for more than half a century and are crafted to be crisp and smooth with a true European taste profile. You can travel the world over and never find a better beer!' From Pabst.com

Now this is an old man's beer! A musty tasting, straw colored lager that doesn't taste European whatsoever! Give me some more of that, right?

I have never been a big fan of Special Export but I decided to give it a shot last weekend when I was looking for a cheap beer to get me through the weekend. Although I wouldn't say I regret my decision I will say that I am still not very fond of this brew. When I think of a European beer I think of a nice clean, crisp lager that goes down extremely smooth (thats what the commercials taught me at least). Special Export is another Pabst brewing company tap water and hops beer that has been tweaked just a bit so it will appeal to the senior citizen demographic. I am not disrespecting my elders here, sorry if it seems that way, but the old men at the local watering holes love this stuff.

I on the other hand, do not love this stuff. I have never had a Special Export (can or bottle) that didn't taste a bit stale. Maybe moth balls are one of the secondary ingredients, or they just sell so little of this stuff that it takes five years to get to me. Its cheap and it has your standard 5% alcohol content, thats the real selling point there. I purchased a twelve pack for $6 a week ago and I would say I got exactly what I paid for.

Musical Pairing: Rick Springfield- Working Class Dog (old, watered down and in the bargain bin)

Heilemans Old Style

Man that photo didn't look that dark on the camera screen. Hell, it was only like 6:00 PM and the sun was out. Can't win them all I guess!

Living in Chicago you are absolutely bombarded with Old Style. Both baseball teams serve it at their stadiums, it is constantly on sale at Jewel Osco and every bar has 'Old Style Specials' (Usually the day after the PBR special, in the middle of the week of course). If you live in Chicago and also drink beer, you know what Old Style tastes like.

Right now I am on a fairly tight budget so when I saw an Old Style 24oz Can for $1.49 I really could not pass that up. I mean that is a steal, right? Well, not really, but it will do.

Old Style was a staple of my diet in my late teens/early twenties which made me thoroughly sick of it, but I still crack one open from time to time. My palate has apparently changed in the last couple of years because I can't understand what the appeal of Old Style was, except for the price. It's watery and tastes as if it is artificially flavored. Chemical induced hoppiness? Your standard ABV of 5%. It's a thin, boring beer... But its on sale for $11.99 for a 30 pack brah!

Stroh's

I was thinking the other day what I would do if I had a time machine available to me that day and I think I might have come up with the most boring time travel idea- I would like to check out all the ancient breweries before they went cheap. Stroh's likes to advertise that they have been around since 1775 but something tells me that they have tweaked the recipe just a tad in the last two centuries. I bet it was good, real good, at least a lot better than what they are canning in 2008.

Stroh's is a fairly standard cheap, watery lager. Not much here that sets it apart from its peers- at least in a positive way. In fact while I was drinking Stroh's I kept thinking 'this tastes a lot like Old Style'. Well, maybe Old Style that has been sitting in a warm attic for awhile as this beer has a distinct musty quality that I really can't put my finger on. There is also a disproportionate amount of yeast in this beer that gets to me after I drink around two of them. I am sure that old, bitter alcoholics the world over choose Stroh's as their beer of choice. They should put that on the can! There is more truth to that then 'America's Premium Brewed Beer'.

I didn't care for it much. You could do a lot better when looking for a cheapie to fill your fridge with, but you could also do a lot worse (sadly). Someone fire up the De Lorean we are going back to 1799 to see what all the hype was about, you with me?

Oranjeboom Premium Lager

Another Trader Joe's purchase here and a rather inexpensive one at that. I don't know how a six pack of tall boys from the Netherlands can sell for $5.99 but here is your proof that it is possible! The price made me a little skeptical of Oranjeboom's quality (especially since another Trader Joe's purchase, BrouCzech, was god awful) but I was only going to be out $6 in the end so what the hell.


Oranjeboom isn't bad! A clean tasting, crisp lager beer
that reminds me of Heineken with some sweet malts added in that have a miniscule amount of fruitiness. This is a nice back up beer to have kicking around in your fridge when you are in need of a simple, decent and refreshing lager. Will I be having cravings for Oranjeboom? I don't think so. Does it hit the spot on a nice breezy Spring day? Hell yes!


Tall Boys are good for when you are playing Rock Band too- fewer trips to the fridge. Oranjeboom lubricated my vocal chords just fine for my falsetto singing of Judas Priest songs. Anyone want to come over and play 'Hellion/Electric Eye' with me?

Schlitz 1960's Recipe

The day has arrived my friends, the day has arrived. Well it actually arrived a few weeks ago but it took me awhile for my lazy ass to track some Schlitz down. I purchased this particular six pack for $6.99 at a Binny's in Evanston, Illinois.

So what does the old recipe Schlitz taste like? Well to be perfectly honest it tastes like the newer/cheaper recipe with the volume turned up. More hops, more earthy spices and even more carbonation make this taste a lot fuller and of overall better quality. Malt is an afterthought in this recipe If you can't tell yet I am very much a fan of this beer. Schlitz now hearkens back to when large production beers didn't all have to taste like shit, a golden era of beer that numerous old drunks have told me about at dive bars.

I think it is worth the price, but some will disagree with me. Fans of cheap beer that have a few bucks to spend, do it. The extra two dollars goes a long way in flavor when it comes to the new/old Schlitz. For those that want to continue buying Schlitz on the cheap, the watered down recipe will still be available in cans at the lower price (So I hear).

Blatz

I used to think Blatz was made up, a generic term for all cheap beer. I mean, it sounds made up. Which sounds more like a real beer to you- Blatz or Duff?

Ok, now that that is out of the way, how does Blatz taste? Well Blatz tastes like many of the other out sourced Pabst owned beers, with a subtle twist or two. This stuff tastes a little hoppier than other cheap beers, but that isn't saying much since those said hops are of the cheap and chemical variety. Less carbonation than most macro brews is welcome, but this stuff is a little extreme in this regard. The head was gone in thirty seconds and after a commercial break (The Office is on tonight) this stuff was flat.

Surprise, surprise- Blatz is shit beer. This beer is so bereft of quality that you have to be desperate to drink Blatz. A true high school chugger here, created for (much) less discernable pallettes than someone who has had a decent brew in their life. I really wanted to like this one too, guess you can't win em all.

Baltika 4 Dark Lager

I purchased all of these Baltika products at the same time and it is taking me months to finally be close to the end. Baltika Dark Lager tastes like malted stagnant water. Vile, foamy, dirty beer. This stuff might as well have tadpoles in it for effect. The second I cracked this bottle I knew I was in for a rip roarin', stomach churnin' time from our friends from Mother Russia. It stinks, I mean literally stinks. The only flavor I can discern out of this mess is yeast. Yeast!

I'm going to end this tirade right now. Don't buy this beer, or foolishly spend $20 on assorted Baltika products like I did. Baltika 4 might be the worst $1.49 I have ever spent. When was the last time you felt ripped off spending less than $2?

Pabst Blue Ribbon

I know a few people have been anticipating this one, me being from Chicago and all. In case you didn't know Pabst Blue Ribbon (henceforth PBR) is one of the most popular cheap beers in the Second City. Every bar here has a PBR night where they sling this stuff for around $2 a pop. This particular 24 oz beer I purchased at a grocery store for $1.49. This stuff is cheap, which is great and all, but is it any good?


Well, no, not really. Even by the standards set by other cheap beers Pabst is of distinct low quality. Its watery, full of processed sugars and tastes like it has some form of starch in it. Yum. When its ice cold you can slam these down just fine, believe me I have had hundreds of these out of convenience, but God help you if they are the slightest bit warm.


Ok I'm going to try and think of the positives of PBR for a second instead of trashing it right off the bat. You can buy a thirty pack of Pabst for $11.99. That is $0.39 a beer, plus tax. If you are extremely poor and it is driving you to drink, that decision pretty much makes itself. You can see why PBR is the self loathing homeless man's beer of choice.


It's also better than Milwaukee's Best or Ice House. Ok thats all I got. See you at $2 PBR night!

Iron City

I have find memories of drinking Iron City when my old band used to play Pittsburgh so there is a soft spot in my heart for it. I want to give it a rave review, but that would be misleading to some extent. Iron City is fine for a hard drinking hard working man but I doubt many beer snobs will find anything of merit here. I like this beer for what it is, but it doesn't live up to my fond memories at all. Iron City (what a bad ass name!) is another slightly sweet, run of the mill cheap lager. It tastes much better than say, MGD, but I am having trouble really coming up with anything special about it. I can tell you one thing, it makes me want a Yuengling bad.

This beer makes me want to listen to Brain Handle or Caustic Christ, in a basement in Pittsburgh of course. Down there this stuff tasted like one of the best beers I had ever drank. Those were the days!

Baltika 8 Wheat Ale

'Unfiltered Wheat Ale. Contains special yeast which gives it cloudiness and creates a rich taste. This beer is brewed for you!
The ingredients are water, wheat malt, pilsner malt and caramel malt and hops.'

I have never had a wheat ale brewed in Russia before, so I thought this would be interesting at least. Interesting indeed. This is probably the worst wheat beer I have ever had.... No this is definitely the worst wheat beer I have ever had. I have this awful habit of smelling beer before I take my first sip. With Baltika 8 I got a nosefull of straw and cabbage, one of the oddest scents I have witnessed in a long time. Sadly, it only tastes slightly better than it smells.

I know I go on rants when I really dislike a beer, but Baltika 8 is fucking horrid. There is something very off with this beer, like it was brewed with dirty dishwasher or had been left out in the sun for a few weeks. I am very disappointed, for a few reasons. Will I ever find a beer from Eastern Europe that is worth a damn besides Czechvar? I also bought three other pints of Baltika products... This ought to be a fun week!

Not recommended!

Kennebunkport Pumpkin Ale

I'm having difficulties finding information straight from the brewers website to give the 'official' description of this beer. It appears the Kennebuckport Brewing Company is more or less the Sea Dog Brewing Company, both brands distributed through Trader Joe's. I purchased this beer for $3.99 in a six pack from Trader Joe's in March. Obviously, late fall beer sold at the end of the winter, TJ's is trying to get rid of some stock. As well, I tend to have an affinity for this type of sweet / fruity beer towards the end of summer / early fall. It's winter, it's cold, and I like my porters & stouts at this time of year. Nonetheless, I know a good value and decided to take a chance on something cheap from TJ's that wasn't Mountain Creek.

This beer has a golden body with a slight head that dissipates rather quickly. The pumpkin aroma is present but not overpowering. As this is my first beer review I did some research and found others to state the head dissipates much like soda does, which is very true. In essence, this ale tastes like any Miller product but with pumpkin flavors added. The flavor is rather flat and holds a light complexion, does not taste like natural pumpkins but rather pumpkin pie. Light is the big word with this ale, light aroma, light and dry taste, light price! This is the 2nd pumpkin ale I've ever tried, this beer doesn't encourage me to explore more of this, but it also doesn't deter me from trying other pumpkin ales in the future. Seriously though, it's $3.99 for a six pack. It's a great value buy, not a beer I would go out of my way to purchase though.

Svyturys Ekstra

'A crystal clear golden beer that crowns a glass with a frothy head of dazzling white. A deep hop aroma and a rich long lasting flavour that is underscored by a light, barely perceptible hint of hop bitterness.'

If there is any part of the world that enjoys cheap beer more than the United States? I thought about this the other day and came up with Eastern Europe. Luckily I live in Chicago, which is Eastern Europe's promised land and only had to traverse a few blocks to the Ukranian Village to find some insanely Euro beer. The girl behind the counter greeted me with Polish as I purchased enough beer for a weeks worth of entries.

I picked Svyturys first because it had the most promise- dark brown bottle, cool label and all forms of awards won in competitions (per the label). It sucks. The biggest problem I have with beers of this region (Lithuania in this case) is that they are overly malty and often taste stale. Svyturys is the poster child for this as it is a very bland and malty mess that tastes like it should have cobwebs inside it. Extremely boring and unappealing stuff, but it has a cool label! They also have a great website full of gibberish, linked of course.

Not Recommended, but its cheap at $5 for 4 pints! Still, I am sure there are better beers from Lithuania. Maybe.

Gubernija Grand 9.5

This stuff has a strange 'boxed wine' feel to it. Reading the can I realize why- its a super thin lager with a 9.5% alcohol content. I really need to get in the habit of reading labels before I buy shit like this. There is something off about this beer that makes it taste very artificial. Maybe it is brewed in an old petroleum plant? I mean its a product of Lithuania, a country I imagine as being close to a Mad-Max dystpopia with a lot of snow. Please let me know how much of an ignorant jerk I am, proud people of Lithuania!

I am sitting here trying to pick out flavors but all I am getting is alcohol and really cheap malt. I think if I drank two of these I would get a hangover, whether I had gotten a buzz or not. Hey it must have some use, maybe you could power a generator with it? Clean silverware? Trade it for a few crossbow bolts in Barter Town? As far as drinking it, I would not recommend that!

Lone Star

'Born and brewed in Texas, Lone Star helps keep the culture alive by supporting today's Texas musicians, outdoorsmen and everybody's friend, the Armadillo. When it comes to great beer for life and the way we live it down here, Lone Star really is PURE. TEXAN. BEER.'

I noticed I was getting a little too high brow in this blog, time to go back to my roots with some good old American cheap beer. So I bought some beer which is proud to be from Texas, damn proud.

This stuff is pretty easy to drink, as long as you don't let it start to warm at all. I doubt the clientele that purchases this beer is drinking it through snifters after letting it 'sit' though, so no worries there. It is very similar to a lot of the Milwaukee brewed budget beers with some slight differences. Most noticably there is less sugar and more hops in Lone Star than you would expect. I came into this entry expecting another 'soda beer' with high amounts of carbonation and processed sugar and I was happy when that was not the case. It still isn't good, but it is better than I expected.

But god... as soon as this stuff isn't ice cold it is awful. It nosedives from 'decent' to 'drain pour' in about fifteen minutes, so drink it fast. Maybe thats the idea after all- drink ten of these real fast then kick the shit out of the guy next to you, that sounds like the Texas I know. I'm pretty split on this beer so I am not going to recommend it. There are better cheap beers out there for you to spend little money on.